Winners Don't Depend On Atta-Boys

There is no escaping the fact that everyone wants to be appreciated for doing a good job. "Atta-boys" are important to our self-esteem and effectiveness. A nationwide survey showed that appreciation ranks number one among the five most desired rewards for work. But the higher we climb up the career ladder the more scarce compliments become.

Winners in the world of work understand and deal with the reality of this paradox.

As you climb up the slippery slope there are fewer people to pay you compliments. Subordinates are reluctant to tell you that did a good job for fear they will be seen as "polishing the apple," to put it in polite terms. Besides, they are apt to think you don't need encouragement. And, of course, envy may play a role.

Bosses at the higher levels are often so rushed dealing with mistakes of the non-achievers make that they have less time to pass out thank you notes to those who regularly hit the ball. Or they may not think pats on the back are necessary for them.

The boss may be like Louis Gerstner, the man who managed IBM to a notable turnaround. I learned when I worked with him at American Express that he leads his executive team by the principle that "We're mature professionals; we are paid to do the job; therefore, I don't have to go around stroking everyone."

Sometimes Kudos Are Hard To Recognize
Some bosses can be praising their subordinates in ways that may not be immediately apparent.

A former client of mine, the vice president of corporate communications for a large manufacturing concern, was incensed at how little attention his boss, the chairman, paid to him. He really blew his top after the CEO spent only a few minutes glancing over and approving the annual message to shareholders, which had been written by the vice president.

"He just doesn't care," the young executive told me. "He never has a complimentary thing to say."

I was able to point out that the senior officer had just paid him a significant compliment. He knew the work would be first class; he didn't have to worry about the document. He didn't think it was necessary to say "good work."

Incidentally, my client consistently got top salary increases and bonuses.

It takes maturity and confidence to realize that although the kind of recognition the vice president received is less obvious and immediately pleasing to the ego as stand-up recognition at the employee honors dinner or mention in the company newsletter, it is more important in the long run.

You will be well served when you learn the difference between what feels good at the moment and really counts in the long run.

How To Handle Atta-Boys

What's to be done about atta-boys?

First, learn to be more the parent and less the child. Realize that you gain ground when you become a greater source of compliments to others than a receiver of kind words from our bosses.

Second, recognize that while kind words and bronze plaques are pleasing, winners gain strength by disciplining themselves to turn inward for psychic satisfaction and approval for the good work they do and the influence they exert.

They are the careerists who are able to stay the course to successful finishes because they are primarily self-contained when it comes to recognizing their achievements, building their own sense of self-worth and motivating themselves to meet their own standards.

Third, it is important to understand that the best recognition you can receive comes when the organization has enough confidence in your abilities to expand your responsibilities and compensates you fairly for what you accomplish.

Fourth, the ultimate winners are those who make sure their employers are aware of the quality of their work so that the real rewards-more responsibility, more authority, more money-are forthcoming.

Real Winners Know How to Lose

The idea of winning is at the very heart of the American work ethic. The gospel of our culture tells us winning is not just the best thing, it is the only thing.
But real winners in the world of work know they can't win them all, nor should they. They have mastered the art of losing, strategically, in their career relationships.

If we insist on winning every single point, we set up unnecessary opposition. Let's face it, nobody likes anyone who always wins.

Fact is, it is not necessary to win every point. It is a very rare situation that has only one right answer. One instance would be in disarming a live bomb. Another would be brain surgery. Otherwise, several acceptable options usually exist.

Winning is not a zero sum matter. There does not have to be a loser for every winner. If we win, it is just common sense to make sure others feel they won, too.

Unless we are absolutely sure we have the only correct answer, or that our organization will be materially injured if we don't prevail, it is wise to let associates win a few. The abilities and morale of the entire team will be improved.

But when common sense and facts say ours is clearly the best, or only acceptable solution, we should fight for it with tooth and claw.

No One Wins All The Time
Anyway, we can't win all of the time, even if we try. We cannot play and we cannot win without taking some risks; and we cannot take some risks without losing some of the time. We just need to be sure we win enough of the big ones.

Thomas Edison recorded some 25,000 failures in his attempt to invent a storage battery. "Those were not failures," he said. "I learned 24,999 ways not to make a battery."

R. H. Macy failed seven times before his first store caught on. Babe Ruth struck out 1,330 times, but he also hit 714 home runs.

Dr. Harry Levenson, noted psychologist and adviser to management, says that a key characteristic of successful managers is the willingness to take big risks. "Not crazy risks, but big risks," he says. "They are willing to endure the distress of fear and uncertainty until the results are known. They stick with their decisions even when there are some downers before their ideas begin to pay off."

If we truly want to build a successful career, and we work in an organization that demands that we always be right, we are in trouble. Such an environment will not allow us room to grow and achieve success. We will either be stifled or we will be in trouble for trying new ideas and for making the inevitable mistakes that go with them. We should get out as fast as we can, unless we want to live in a suffocating bureaucracy.

Healthy, growing organizations expect their people to make some mistakes. But not too many!

Winners take common sense risks. They are ready to lose some of the time in order to be a big winner in the end. They know how to lose strategically.