Control Your Emotions and Reach the Top!

Socrates knew it all along. If you want to succeed in life you must "know thyself." This is the first step for everything and for anybody who wants to make a difference in his or her life. The ability to listen to our own emotions, wants, desires and needs is as important as listening to others. In addition, putting the understanding of your emotions (and those of others) into practice is equally important. There are times all of us want to lash out at our superiors or peers for violating our boundaries, not "getting it", interfering with our projects, crossing the line, stepping behind our backs, taking advantage of our absence and simply playing the old and cold business game.

Those are only natural feelings. Everyone has had them from time to time. However, what you DO with those feelings and emotions is what counts. Controlling your anger and frustration and learning to perform more productively under stressful circumstances is the defining factor.

Unfortunately, changing your emotional response to others is considered a "lifestyle change". And, as we all know, those are the most difficult to implement and maintain. If changing unproductive habits were as simple as being aware of them, we'd all be living ideal lives. Changing habits and behaviors takes more than awareness and self-knowledge. This is why traditional training (such as books, audio tapes, video training and workshops) often falls short in creating long-term change. They don't offer a consistent support system… the one thing that is vital to maintaining new behaviors.

I recommend that you find a mentor or coach to assist with this process. After all, there is an elegant beauty apparent in people that can remain calm when no one else can. Aristotle said, "Anyone can become angry - that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, in the right way - this is not easy."

The insights below will help you lay down a solid foundation for managing your emotions and progressing forward in your career.

1. Learn rather than defend. Instead of going into a defensive mode and trying to protect or force your views, learn from the situation. Ask yourself what is really going on with that upset employee or coworker. The old saying is true, "When you change someone's point-of-view against their will, you've never truly changed them." From the moment you lose control and retaliate (even if you are right) you've lost the battle. However, by controlling your emotions and investigating the other's viewpoint, you open yourself to a calm and enlightening discussion.

2. Acknowledge rather than agree. It is possible to acknowledge that someone has a different point-of-view than you have without agreeing with their point-of-view. What happens, more often than not, is that the more strongly someone disagrees with us, the more adamant we becoming about convincing them we are right. Before the situation gets out of control, ask yourself, "How important is it that they agree with me?" If the answer comes down to a matter of personal pride - let it go. Acknowledge and respect other's views, the fact that you have a conflicting opinion and allow the conversation to drift to another topic.

3. Express your emotions. Expressing empathy and being emotionally honest is one of the things that will make you a true leader. Everyone you work with already knows you are human. When you share your strengths, weaknesses, triumphs and trials honestly with those around you, you make a more personal connection. Let us never forget, people follow those they like. While your primary concern at the office may not be to make friends; opening yourself up to your team will help develop a sense of trust and loyalty towards you.

4. Stay in integrity with your values. Emotional control does not equate to silence. Just the opposite. When a difficult subject needs to be addressed, you will be fully able to do so… with a level head. When the truth needs to be told, you will be a person other's look to. By showing others you are filled with integrity and you stand by your values will help to define your reputation. Respect always follow those whose "yes" means "yes" and whose "no" means "no".

5. Tactfully handle the negative. It seems, regardless the size of organization you work for, that negative people will always be present. These are the ones that continually complain, create confrontations and lack control of their emotions. If their contribution to your team does not outweigh the damaging attitude, you may want to consider having them transferred to a position where they would be more suited. Be aware of these personality types. Also be prepared to handle the challenges they will bring to you as you prepare to develop your new emotional steadiness.

Progressive leaders are emotionally stable leaders. They are the ones others turn to during a crisis. They are the ones that become the beacon of true leadership. They are the ones that make it to the top!

Gain Control of your Time

How many times have you gotten to the end of the day and thought to yourself, "Where did the time go? I didn't accomplish a single thing!"

Everyone has days like that now and then. But if you find that projects are piling up and most of your time is spent putting our fires instead of completing important tasks, it's time to make some changes in the way you use your time.

Each of us has the same 24 hours a day to accomplish whatever we want to get done. The key difference between people who achieve one goal after another in their lives and those who never seem to get anywhere is that the achievers have learned to control the way they use their time. You can too. Here are nine simple steps you can use to make time work for you.

Calculate the cost of your time
What's your time really worth? How much money are you wasting when you surf to that cool web site a friend told you about? Or what about the time gabbing with your friend on the phone? How about the time you spend looking for files on your computer or your desk? The easiest way to motivate yourself to make better use of your time is to calculate the cost of your time.

If you run your own business or if you are an executive or manager who controls the use of other people's time, calculate the cost of their time, too. Add up all the cost figures before you schedule that next meeting or ask someone to do a task that doesn't accomplish your department's goals.

Record your activities and interruptions
How is it that you can be busy all day without finishing any of the tasks you wanted to get done? The best way to find out just what is keeping you from accomplishing tasks is to keep a time log for a week. Make a notation each time you start and stop any task, even for what you think will be a brief moment.

Be sure you actually print out the time log and fill it in each time you start and stop any activity. If you wait until the end of the morning or end of the day to record the information on a computer, you won't remember everything and won't have an accurate record of how you use your time.

Analyze the time sheet
At the end of the week analyze your time sheet. Identify what actions and activities wasted time and interfered with accomplishing your goals during the week. What was the longest you spent working on any one task? What things interrupted you most often? What tasks did you spend the most time on? Are they the things that help accomplish your goals? Were they all necessary? Did you have to do all of those tasks yourself? Write down your answers. Then plan to eliminate time wasting activities one by one.

Create an action plan
You wouldn't leave on a vacation without knowing where you are going and what roads you'll take to get there. You need to create a similar road map to help you accomplish your business and personal goals. If you don't plan your days, you will spend your time putting out fires, wasting time on non-important tasks and meeting everyone's objectives except your own. To avoid that problem, take 15 minutes at the end of each day for planning. Plan your schedule so that you allow time to work on both the immediate tasks you need to accomplish and the long-range projects.

Before you add any task to your daily schedule, consider how it contributes to your short range and longer-range goals. Consider how time consuming the task will be, if it really needs to be done, and if it really needs to be done by you. Schedule the most important task for your most productive time of the day. Work at the task until you complete it, then move on to the next most important task. If you don't finish everything by the end of the day, move the task to the next day's schedule.

End procrastination
If you have a project you are putting off, break it down into small steps. Schedule a time to start the first small step and DO it. You'll be amazed how much easier it is to get the whole job done if you break it down into manageable pieces.

Don't sweat the small stuff
Don't spend an inordinate amount of time making decisions about minor issues. Balance how much time goes into the decision-making process against the potential cost or consequences involved.

Establish a quiet hour
That's a time of the day that no one is allowed to disturb you. Use your quiet hour to tackle the top priority items on your schedule. Don't answer phones, read E-mail, surf the Web or let coworkers interrupt you. If necessary arrive at work an hour early or leave an hour late or work through lunch. But don't pick up the phones during those hours. Salespeople know that's often the best time to catch a decision maker without getting stopped by their gatekeeper.

Screen incoming calls
Pick up only those calls from people you want to talk to. Let everyone else leave a message.

Tame the E-mail monster
Reading and answering electronic mail has become one of the leading time drains of the electronic age. It's not unusual -- especially for Internet workers -- to log on and find 10 or 20 or even 100 E-mail messages waiting. How can you cope?

Start by removing yourself from any E-mail lists that aren't essential. Then, set up an extra E-mail address or two. Give out one email address only to people who are important and whose mail you must read. Give out the other email address to everyone else. If you are fortunate enough to have an administrative assistant who serves as a gatekeeper, assign the assistant to answer all mail coming into the non-important E-mail box. Let them weed out the things you must see from the routine matters they or someone else can handle.

Reduce the number of times a day you check your E-mail. Although most people expect prompt replies to E-mail, prompt doesn't have to be immediate. If necessary, turn off the sounds or messages that alert you every time new E-mail arrives. Check the mail only at set times each day -- times you determine based on your schedule.

When you do answer or send E-mail, make your messages complete. E-mail that doesn't clearly communicate your message and/or what you need done will lead to misunderstandings or confusion and may generate a slew of additional E-mail.

Forward E-mail to your staff only if they have the full authority to handle it.
If they in turn will have to forward the mail to someone else, who will then forward it back to you, handle the issue yourself right from the start. You'll save multiple E-mails for yourself and for all the people on the food chain below you.

Be selective which mail you open. Use the "From" heading and the subject heading to decide whether or not to open email. Need still more ideas for curbing the E-mail monster?

The Virtual Assistant - Regain Control and Love Your Job

Marie Schulz, an admin to an Air Force general, found herself at a crossroads several years ago when the base closed. She got a new job but hated it because the long commute and office hours drained her, leaving no time or energy to work out or see friends. "The employer expected the employees to live for the job," says the Rumely, Michigan-based Schulz. "They even had computers put into our homes so that when we weren't at work, we were still working from home. I wanted my life back."

Schulz took her life back by rolling up 20-plus years of admin experience and parlaying that to her own business as a virtual assistant, or VA. Now her days are noticeably different.

What is a VA? Stacy Brice, chief visionary officer and founder of AssistU, sums it up this way: "A VA is a small-biz owner who provides administrative and personal support across the board to clients in long-term and collaborative relationships."

Preparation is key to a VA's success, and Brice advises against admins jumping into things because they have years of admin experience. "Remember, it's a business, and you don't want to start a business on the seat of your pants," says Brice. "Most startup businesses don't make it to the five-year mark. You don't want to make mistakes."

VAs' primary client base are the small business owners, or entrepreneurs who need support because they can't do everything on their own but don't want the hassle of hiring a full-time employee, according to Brice. She estimates a VA's rate at $30 per hour. However, that amount can skyrocket if a VA has experience in a niche area.

Being a VA requires numerous hard and soft skills, including:

• Writing: "The world is sloppy when it comes to grammar," says Brice. And a lack of solid language skills can be a great detriment to a VA. "Even if a client is a poor writer or speller, she won't accept that in a VA."
  
• Organization: Being a VA involves juggling numerous clients. Being able to put your hands on the right files when a client calls is crucial.
  
• Technological Savvy: A VA must also be comfortable with technology, since the job requires working in a virtual world. "Your primary tools are technological, so if you're not comfortable in that environment, you'll have trouble," says Brice.
  
• Fast on Your Feet: "You must be able to quickly take in information, synthesize it and logically spit it back out," says Brice.
  
• Emotional Responsibility: A VA must be entrepreneurial and self-disciplined, since no one is watching over your shoulder, notes Brice. "One thing that comes with the VA territory is you're playing at a different level," says Brice. "You're not sitting in an office being told how, what and when to do things, with set lunch times and the inability to say no to a project. You must be able to transition to the thinking that you're a business owner, you get to say what you want to do, and you get to pick your clients and set your rates."
  
• Good Communication: Setting business standards and sticking to them can be a rough transition for many VAs. "Sometimes you have to have hard conversations with your clients if things aren't going the way you initially expected," says Brice. "You may have to speak frankly that when you started out with the client, you expected X, but Y is happening, and that you two need to discuss how to make things better. Those aren't easy conversations to have." The upside to such frank discussions is VAs generally build long-term, collaborative relationships with their clients, she says.
  
• Vision: While many admins want to work from home, many are not willing to do the hard work to make it happen. "The fear of success keeps many people down," says Brice. "They sabotage their actions, because they may think that if they're as successful as they want to be, their lives might change -- and that frightens them."