Is Workplace Romance Really Taboo?

You might have heard the warnings "don't dip your pen in the company ink," "don't go fishing off the company pier," in the U.S., and "don't mix business with pleasure," but for today's worker, that advice is considered outdated. With more time spent on the job, an emphasis on group collaboration and increased socialising with colleagues, today's workplace fosters more personal relationships among employees.

These days, more and more people have been involved in a romantic relationship with a colleague at some point in their career. CareerBuilder's "Office Romance" survey found that more than 55 percent of workers have gone out with someone who worked in the same company.

Vault.com reported similar findings in 2003, when 47 percent of workers admitted to having been involved in an office romance and an additional 19 percent said they would be willing to participate if the opportunity arose.

While the office tryst was once viewed as a no-no, society no longer frowns upon a romance that blooms between colleagues. 75 percent of workers surveyed told CareerBuilder that workers should be able to go out with anyone at work without repercussions. And only 7 percent of workers told Vault that office romances are always unacceptable.

"Not surprisingly, work turns out to be a good place to find someone who shares your interests, aims and ambitions," writes Margaret Heffernan in her book The Naked Truth. "The workplace is full of people who are exceptionally compatible with who we are: they have chosen the same area of work, they share many of our interests, they're often a similar age and driven by similar hopes and goals. And we're spending eight hours a day with these people! It's little wonder, then, that office affairs and marriages are so common."

Are these really one-time flings or are they legitimate couplings? Of those who told Vault they were involved in an office romance, 20 percent said it developed into a long-term relationship. And, in a survey of managers who dated someone from work by the American Management Association, 44 percent of respondents said their relationships led to marriage, 23 percent had a long-term relationship and 33 percent had short-term relationships. Studies show between 50 percent and 80 percent of companies do not have written policies on employees going out with one another.

Be careful: approach any office relationship with caution and check your employee manual to see if your company has a stated policy about employee relationships. At the first sign of flirtation, be discreet and think through the consequences if things don’t work out.

It's critical to remember that people talk, warns relationship columnist April Masini. "People talk. No matter how friendly your colleagues are, or how tight-lipped the object of your affection seems, secrets are almost always shared with someone, whether accidentally or intentionally," she says. On other words say nothing and do nothing that you don't want everyone else to know about.

Almost half of those who told CareerBuilder.com they were involved with a colleague said they tried to keep it under wraps. Some diversionary tactics included flat out denial, laughing it off and even staging arguments. Author and radio presenter Debbie Mandel says although the taboo has lost its stigma, there are some things to keep in mind if you do become involved in a romance at work.

Do your job efficiently and creatively. You cannot let your work ethic be compromised.

Be a team player and readily available to help others. Don't give people a reason to think you are only working with your sweetheart.

Stay clear of public displays of affection. Don't be demonstrative in public; leave that to lunch breaks or after work.

Remember that people do break up. Make sure you remain professional and don't burn bridges.

Top 5 Keys to Mixing Work & Romance

The experts can warn you until they're blue in the face: Beware of office romances. But there that special someone is: So cute, such chemistry, so nice -- this could be the love of your life, or at least the romance of your week. You don't want to just say no, but are you at grave risk of one day getting fired or both? No guarantees, but here are five ways to maximise your chances of enjoying a workplace romance and surviving to tell the tale.

1. Be Honest with Your Prospective Partner.

If you're only looking for a quick fling, don't make long-term-relationship noises in your efforts to seduce. Candour is always important, but especially so in the workplace. If you imply a possible wedding-bell future, and then after a hot date or two suddenly cool off, let alone start flirting with another officemate, you're asking for big-time reprisals. Remember the old saying, "Hell hath no fury like a woman (or man) scorned"?

2. Think Twice Before Starting a Relationship with Your Boss.

In some workplaces this is strictly verboten, but even if it is permissible, beware. If later on, you dump your boss, he may retaliate. For example, "I need you to do this extra work." "Sorry, I can't let you take an extra 15 minutes for lunch." "No, I won't give you any extra resources." The opportunities for torturing you are endless.

In fairness, sometimes a relationship with a boss can yield special privileges, like a corner office. Even if the boss decides to end the relationship, he may give you a promotion or another perk to reduce the risk that you'll file a grievance. One study found that 64 percent of women who had a romantic relationship with their boss reported that, as a result, their work situation improved.

3. Think 10 Times Before Starting a Relationship with Your Direct Report.

That's risky even if the relationship is working well. For example, your honey begs you for a plum assignment that, from a business perspective, you believe should go to someone else. But you feel forced to say yes to your special friend. And if you break up the relationship, you're really in danger -- your former beloved could claim you abused your power. You could end up losing your job.

4. Keep It Quiet.

I know, I know. When you're in love, it's tempting to tell everyone in the office. Mistake. From then on, the two of you will be under the microscope. It's even dangerous if the two of you are peers. For example, if you're seen helping your sweetie out with work, someone else who also needs your help may go to the boss and complain you're playing favourites.

"But," you protest, "the chemistry between us is so obvious that everyone already knows we're having a relationship." Chances are, many co-workers don't know. They're wrapped up in themselves; they're not monitoring the vibes between every twosome who walks by. Other co-workers may suspect but can't be sure. If you confirm your relationship to just one person, chances are the whole office will know within 24 hours. And it takes just one disgruntled co-worker to make your life miserable. Until it's time to send the wedding invitations, keep the relationship to yourselves.

5. Have Fun.

Actually, the office is a pretty darn good place to meet a romantic partner. Unlike in a bar, where you pick mainly on impulse and an alcohol-impaired chat, at work you get to see more of what a person is really like. So you're more likely to find your valentine at the office water cooler than a barstool.

Just follow these five rules to reduce your risk and then focus on having a great time. Being in love is wonderful -- take it from me. I had an office romance and lived to tell the tale. In fact, I married her.